Sometimes I can find myself “killing time” waiting for something to happen. What? I don’t know, but something great. It doesn’t. Instead it’s just me passing the time. I find myself doing menial things: watching TV shows that I didn’t know existed 5 minutes before, playing a repetitive game on my phone, milling about my house “doing chores” but not really making progress on anything specific.
Patience is a virtue but I need to stop expecting things to come my way just through patience. I need to seize opportunities to create when the time is present before me. What is it that is stopping me?
Sometimes I think it is the feeling of hopelessness, “What does it matter even if I do create something? Who would care?” And although it is important to me that I create something others would enjoy, I must remember it is important that it brings joy or fulfillment to myself. Giving myself this gift of creation, expression is enough of a reason to put in the effort.
Sometimes I stall because there are too many things that I want to accomplish or the goals seem to lofty, I become overwhelmed on where to start. I just stall. Like driving a manual vehicle and putting it into a gear before the engine is ready. Then there is no power to move forward at all. I need to remember to break my goals down into steps and take one at a time.
I need to remind myself that if I am not working towards my own goals and if I am just waiting then that waiting will be filled with someone else’s goals. And that is not always a bad thing to be there supporting the goals of others but it needs to be intentional.
Intention is the point here. I need to stop allowing the anxiety to put me into a passive mode and I need to find my contentment and use my energy to that end.