Waiting

Sometimes I can find myself “killing time” waiting for something to happen. What? I don’t know, but something great. It doesn’t. Instead it’s just me passing the time. I find myself doing menial things: watching TV shows that I didn’t know existed 5 minutes before, playing a repetitive game on my phone, milling about my house “doing chores” but not really making progress on anything specific.

Patience is a virtue but I need to stop expecting things to come my way just through patience. I need to seize opportunities to create when the time is present before me. What is it that is stopping me?

Sometimes I think it is the feeling of hopelessness, “What does it matter even if I do create something? Who would care?” And although it is important to me that I create something others would enjoy, I must remember it is important that it brings joy or fulfillment to myself. Giving myself this gift of creation, expression is enough of a reason to put in the effort.

Sometimes I stall because there are too many things that I want to accomplish or the goals seem to lofty, I become overwhelmed on where to start. I just stall. Like driving a manual vehicle and putting it into a gear before the engine is ready. Then there is no power to move forward at all. I need to remember to break my goals down into steps and take one at a time.

I need to remind myself that if I am not working towards my own goals and if I am just waiting then that waiting will be filled with someone else’s goals. And that is not always a bad thing to be there supporting the goals of others but it needs to be intentional.

Intention is the point here. I need to stop allowing the anxiety to put me into a passive mode and I need to find my contentment and use my energy to that end.

Dimensions

Expectation is trying to control a future that will always elude us.

It is helpful to have goals. It is important to have things we would like to work on in our lives. I often have a goal I am working towards. For me it is a specific project or task that I would like to accomplish. It is something that is an appropriate building block from where you are to the next step. I then make a plan for achieving that goal and that plan is realistic and flexible.

We are always in a state of growth. There are times we may go into hibernation or stay static in one area while we grow in another. However, I like to stop often and take stock. If I am frustrated, then where can I shift my energy to renew my spirit. Sometimes I am ready to shift focus from one area of my dimensions to another. Sometimes I have mastered a level of work and am looking for new challenges. What is your next step? What excites you?

But goals are very different from expectations. Goals are promises to ourselves; expectations often refers to what we think will happen outside of ourselves. This is a way in which we try to exert control over the future and others. This is what leads to frustration.

If you find yourself frustrated in a situation, think back what did you think that situation was going to be like? Was this expectation based on past experience? What can you do going forward to promote the outcome you would like? Is it worth your time? If not, let go of that expectation and accept what is. If it is worth the effort for your future, then make a goal.

18 November 2019

Gratitude

Gratitude in the face of shortcomings.

So this was suppose to be a daily meditation. Obviously I have fallen short of that goal already. However, the trick is to not shame myself, not beat myself up over it. Okay, I fell short of my goal. Let me get up, dust myself off and try again. Breathe in love for myself, I am worthy of love and praise, even as I fail, it is because I am trying something new. Good for trying something new. Good for taking the step.

Breathe out and write again. There have been many things I have been contemplating. Gratitude is important especially when things are painful. Gratitude does not mean an absence of pain or anger or mistakes but rather taking in and acknowledging those emotions and recognizing that even in pain there is a reason to be grateful. Sadness often comes from the absence of love and connection that we have known. How grateful we should be for having had that loving connection. If it is from an expectation we had been carrying, we must work to put down those expectations and be grateful for the present moments. Too often we think in terms of what we would’ve done, what we should do, what we could do. These thoughts are okay for a moment to give us guidance in the present but if we get lost in the past or future than we do not have the energy for the present. What do have now to be grateful for? Name that gratitude before it too is gone.

27 October 2019