Faith

Looking at the cherry trees starting to flower, I am grateful and I am worried. I am scared for them. Is it too early? What if we get another frost? They are not scared. They continue to open up, more today than yesterday. Opening up wider, spreading their petal wings. Soaking in the warm sun, holding fast against a cool breeze. The early ones already falling before so many others have even bloomed. But by blooming early or late, they prolong the chances of pollination. So for those that bloom early or late, they may not have much company but they are helping ensure more years of blooming. This is faith.

Faith is knowing that they are doing what they are meant to be doing and that is all they can do. They do not worry about what is beyond their control. As humans we can imagine what the future might hold. This is beautiful, but when we get stuck in the negative what if’s, we create worry for ourselves. We must recognize them and release them back to the universe, these worries are not ours. Holding them does us no good. We must hold onto the gratitude toward the beauty of nature. Recognize that nature is moving through its cycles, knowing that there may be imperfections but as long as each part does their part then we will move through another cycle and another. This is the beauty of nature, it’s perseverance, it’s complex interdependence.

Beauty is the quality place on the recipient of our appreciation. When we learn to appreciate all parts of nature and ourselves even the imperfections are beautiful. The gratitude towards imperfections gives me hope, renews my faith in a future filled with appreciation. So if I can remain grateful to the nature around me blooming, going through its cycles, this gives me the faith to do the same.

Waiting

Sometimes I can find myself “killing time” waiting for something to happen. What? I don’t know, but something great. It doesn’t. Instead it’s just me passing the time. I find myself doing menial things: watching TV shows that I didn’t know existed 5 minutes before, playing a repetitive game on my phone, milling about my house “doing chores” but not really making progress on anything specific.

Patience is a virtue but I need to stop expecting things to come my way just through patience. I need to seize opportunities to create when the time is present before me. What is it that is stopping me?

Sometimes I think it is the feeling of hopelessness, “What does it matter even if I do create something? Who would care?” And although it is important to me that I create something others would enjoy, I must remember it is important that it brings joy or fulfillment to myself. Giving myself this gift of creation, expression is enough of a reason to put in the effort.

Sometimes I stall because there are too many things that I want to accomplish or the goals seem to lofty, I become overwhelmed on where to start. I just stall. Like driving a manual vehicle and putting it into a gear before the engine is ready. Then there is no power to move forward at all. I need to remember to break my goals down into steps and take one at a time.

I need to remind myself that if I am not working towards my own goals and if I am just waiting then that waiting will be filled with someone else’s goals. And that is not always a bad thing to be there supporting the goals of others but it needs to be intentional.

Intention is the point here. I need to stop allowing the anxiety to put me into a passive mode and I need to find my contentment and use my energy to that end.